


In My Blood

by ThKdsArntAlrght



Series: In My Blood [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other, Peter-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-20 13:41:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14895654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThKdsArntAlrght/pseuds/ThKdsArntAlrght
Summary: God, he just wants to give up. He wants to live with Uncle Ben and Aunt May in the past. No Spiderman. No deaths. Peter is so damn tired of being a hero.





	1. 1.

   The minute he stepped foot into the house, Peter decides the party isn't for him. The music is pounding and the lights are flashing and it's all too much too too much. He feels dizzy and he just wants to go home.

   Someone is talking to him. He can register that. Ned doesn't like parties. MJ is out of town. He staggers backwards, sprinting out to his car. Aunt May got it for him, of course, but Tony installed so many Stark Tech upgrades. Oh god. Tony. He doesn't want to think about Tony.

   Tony monitors vitals now. He has since that awful split of the Avengers. He still watches it now, terrified of losing the friends he calls family. After all, he just got most of them back.

   The genius can see that Peter's vitals are spiking. He considers going to him the instant Friday alerts him, but he doesn't bother. He's 18 now. He takes care of himself.

   Meanwhile, Peter is speeding down the highway. He turns up the radio, wanting to forget everything.

_Help me, it's like the walls are caving in_  
_Sometimes I feel like giving up_

   God, he just wants to give up. He wants to live with Uncle Ben and Aunt May in the past. No Spiderman. No deaths. Peter is so damn tired of being a hero.

_But I just can't_  
_It isn't in my blood_

   The brunet thought he was okay with all of this. Being a hero. Being Tony's intern. Being at his goddamn wedding. Truth is, he isn't.

_Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing_  
_I'm overwhelmed and insecure, give me something_  
_I could take to ease my mind slowly_

   Peter's become something he can't recognize. He's got a scholarship to MIT. He doesn't want it anymore. He's going anyways. His new roommate gave him something. He took it and felt okay for a bit. He makes a mental note to get more.

_Just have a drink and you'll feel better_  
_Just take her home and you'll feel better_

   He's having drinks waves in his face. His whole life, he's pushed them away. Peter Parker doesn't give into peer pressure. After all, he's a good boy. He pulls over to grab a secret stash of vodka. He resolves to drink it in an alley somewhere once he's done driving.

_Keep telling me that it gets better_  
_Does it ever?_

   Peter is tired of waiting for shit to get better. He wishes everyone would shut up and just let him crumble.

_Help me, it's like the walls are caving in_  
_Sometimes I feel like giving up_

   He shuts his eyes for a moment, then goes back to being a safe driver.

_No medicine is strong enough_  
_Someone help me_

   He needs more of whatever the hell that was. He hates himself. He needs that chemical change.

_I'm crawling in my skin_  
_Sometimes I feel like giving up_

   Peter is a ticking timebomb. He decides this for himself. Give up. Give up. Useless.

_But I just can't_  
_It isn't in my blood_

   Isn't in his blood? Bullshit. Everyone Peter loves fucking dies. He wants to scrub his skin in a burning hot shower until he bleeds. He wants to go on a binge then purge like there's no tomorrow.

_It isn't in my blood_

   Peter tries to shove thoughts of relapsing out of his head. If he cuts, takes a horribly burning shower, or binge eats and purges, Aunt May will hate him. Just like Tony and Tony's soon to be wife, and the Avengers, and his classmates. Fuck.

_Looking through my phone again feeling anxious_  
_Afraid to be alone again, I hate this_

   Peter is a good boy. Peter doesn't text and drive. Which is good. Peter's not leaving notes.

_I'm trying to find a way to chill, can't breathe, oh_  
_Is there somebody who could..._

   He's shaking with angry tears and sobs wrack him. Karen is alerting Friday, Friday is alerting Stark, he just knows it. He calls it all off. Peter is tried of saving people. Peter doesn't want to be saved.

_Help me, it's like the walls are caving in_  
_Sometimes I feel like giving up_  
_No medicine is strong enough_  
_Someone help me_

   Peter is not going to make it to next week.

_I'm crawling in my skin_  
_Sometimes I feel like giving up_  
_But I just can't_  
_It isn't in my blood_  
_It isn't in my blood_

   Peter is a good boy. Peter is a smart boy. Peter is a sweet boy. Peter is breaking.

_I need somebody now_  
_I need somebody now_  
_Someone to help me out_  
_I need somebody now_

  Mr. Stark at dinner with Mrs. Stark-no, Ms. Potts still. He's turned notifications off. They're at dinner at a fancy restaurant that overlooks the highway and ocean.

_Help me, it's like the walls are caving in_  
_Sometimes I feel like giving up_  
_But I just can't_  
_It isn't in my blood_

   Peter is approaching the ocean. Peter is not a good boy. Peter hastily unscrews a cap. Peter chugs some vodka. Peter is burning. Peter is breaking. Breaking. Breaking. Broken.

_It isn't in my blood_  
_It isn't in my blood_  
_I need somebody now_

   There's horrible crunching sounds and screaming. Sparks fly and metal and glass do too. Tony runs to the window. He sees a car fly into the ocean.

   He sees Peter's car fly into the ocean. He runs out. He's calling the armor to him.

    Peter's car hits the ocean. Tony hears the horrific splash. People are filming, screaming, crying in confusion and shock.

    "No, kid, oh no, kid." Tony turns notifications on.

_It isn't in my blood_  
_I need somebody now_  
_It isn't in my blood_

   Subject: Parker, Peter Benjamin.  
   Age: 18  
   Status: Unknown.  
   Vitals: Unstable.  
   Last Known Objective: Death. Death. Death.

   There's dozens of notifications from Karen to Friday, and from Friday to Tony.

   A message flashes across Tony's sight.

   Subject: Parker, Peter Benjamin.  
   Age: 18  
   Status: Deceased.

   Tony stops reading and plummets into the ocean. He's not leaving it without Peter Parker.


	2. 2.

   Tony used to hate the beeping and whirring of hospital machines. These days, he can't get enough of it all. Anything that tells him Peter is alive is music to his ears.

   He's gotten close to May, which surprises them both. They've got next to nothing in common. Yet, in the past few weeks, they've cried together, fallen asleep on each other, and passed time by telling stories about Peter. Peter binds them together now.

   When Tony isn't at the hospital, he's fixing Pete's car.  He invites May over to show her it when he adds a new update. She makes suggestions based on what Peter likes. Neither of them acknowledge the fact that Peter might be paralyzed now.

  
   Pepper is cross with him more often than not now. She loves him, as she says constantly. She's just tired of him pulling all his shit-missing company meetings, dates, and wedding meetings. She calls it all off and leaves one weekend. Tony can tell by her tone that she may not return to him as his girlfriend.

   Once more, May is a friend. She forces him to shower and eat.

   "You're Peter's idol. You always have been. So act like it." He smiles weakly and nods in gratitude.

   When Peter awakes, May is at work. She'd taken as much time off as possible, and couldn't stay constantly anymore. Tony is at the cafeteria getting coffee. He hums as he walks in, then nearly drops his coffee.

   "Peter!" He smiles in relief. Peter looks shellshocked. "Should I call May?"

   "Uh, no. Thanks though, Mr. Stark. You can, uh, go home now." He manages to get out.

   "Go home?" Tony frowns. "Kid, I've been haunting this hospital for two months now. I'm not going home unless you formally kick me out."

   "What?" Peter looks over to the calendar. "Oh, jeez."

   "Yea," Tony murmurs softly, then pauses. "So why'd you do it?"

   "Do what?" He says nervously.

   "Peter."

   "Tony."

"Kid, I need an-" Peter's eyes darken considerably.

"Get out."

"Peter?"

"Just go!"

"Why? Peter, I just got you back. We were close before. Colleagues, coworkers, and even friends. Why?"

"Because I'm in love with you and you're fucking engaged!" Peter breaks, overwhelmed. "You call me kid," he whispers. Tony's gone too far, and he knows it.

"We can discuss this later." He stands to leave. "Get some rest, Peter." He ignores his heart and leaves. Guilt fills him. The kid loves him. The kid nearly died because of it. He's got to find a way to let Peter down gently, to save him.

And if he can't live without Peter, then oh well. Nobody needs to know what's in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listening to wicked while waiting this makes me feel like if pepper were younger, she could be glinda, peter could be elphaba, and tony could be fiyero.

**Author's Note:**

> bet you didn't see that coming. neither did i even i started this an hour ago.


End file.
